I AM A NATURAL WONDER

There are an infinite number of natural wonders and they are all the eighth natural wonder.

Bringing a glass of water to a lake cannot dilute its natural wonder.

The first snowy day turns this town into a natural wonder, but after that it’s just a slooshy mess.

No matter what the etiquette books say, the block of ice isn’t a natural wonder just because you filled it with fruit and flowers. Art can be wonderful, but never natural.

If your child is described as a “natural wonder” during a parent-teacher conference, this may be coded language, and cause for concern. Children who believe they are special are especially prone to disappointment, both their own and yours.

A majority of females over the age of 12 wear a hair color that’s “unnatural”; Wonder Woman, for example, is actually a blonde.

It’s a fine line between natural wonder and tourist trap.

The true natural wonder has no moving parts or batteries—it works forever. It still thinks you’re sexy.

But is her halo of static electricity natural, I wonder? Does she feel half as frazzled as she looks?

How many natural wonders have you been to? For me, it’s zero.

Somebody’s torn this natural wonder asunder. Under, under …

Your bourgeois parents have lost their sense of natural wonderment toward love and lust.

The real natural wonder is that this is a game you can play by yourself.

 

To learn more about Elisa Gabbert and Kathleen Rooney, visit their blogs The French Exit and For You, For You I Am Trilling These Songs.

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